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Introduction:
A lot of drama in week two as the upsets start popping up around the
country. Still, it is the time of
year you muddle through a lot of games that suck in hopes of finding the rare
jewel that doesn’t. And hopefully
that jewel doesn’t turn out to be just a middle eastern guy that is immune to
fire like in that horrible sequel with Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas.
Well, let’s get ready to plunge knee deep into the Retort and see if we
can’t find some diamonds in the poo-poo. (Obscure Emmitt Smith quote reference.)
20/20 Hindsight:
Texas
41 -
Wyoming
10
Attitude faced off against altitude as the Longhorns head from 7000 feet
below normal to 7000 feet above sea level to face off against the Cowboys of
Wyoming. Never mind that the entire
state of Wyoming
has just over five times as many people as the capacity of Joe Jamail Taco Bell
Field at Darrell K Royal Memorial Stadium, this one was much closer than the
score indicates. The Longhorns only
led 13-10 at the half after a failed fake punt and a failed fake field goal left
them exuding fake confidence. Still,
the target of Brent Musburger’s sinful thoughts was able to rally his team back
to a large win and calm the nerves for the millions of people that own Longhorn
t-shirts that missed the second half after they kicked a Birkenstock shaped hole
in their plasma TV.
Toledo
54 -
Colorado
38
Oh dear.
Things are not going so well for 4th year coach Dan Hawkins
after he predicted “10 Wins and No Excuses”.
This is going to be especially difficult given that they only have 10
games remaining on their schedule.
Of course, who knows, maybe a team that can’t beat
Toledo
can win out with a schedule that includes four ranked opponents.
Hudson Hawkins also made the astute observation that “There were just too
many big plays.” When your opponent
averages TEN yards per play, I’m pretty sure the problem is
also that there weren’t any small plays.
Kansas
34 -
UTEP
7
The
Kansas
defense was the story here as they held the Mike Price’s Miners scoreless until
late in the 4th quarter.
Mike Price is of course, the coach best known for losing the Alabama job before he even started after
getting caught with his pickaxe in a
Florida
stripper. Between he and Mangino,
they have 2/7 of the deadly sins covered.
Iowa
35 -
Iowa State
3
<Movie
Preview Guy Voice>In a world with no major professional sports teams.
Where middle school boys giggle at the sound of the word “caucuses”.
Where people look forward to taking a break from a long week of producing
ethanol and tests of basic skills.
Brother will stand toe to toe against brother as the battle rages on for control
of the state none of you have ever visited.
Except Tom, who grew up there.
It is, IOWAR! <End Voice> Unfortunately, like most films with Ben
Affleck, this one didn’t live up to the preview.
The Cyclones turn the ball over six times en route to a thrashing.
(Threshing?)
Nebraska
38 -
Arkansas St
9
For two
schools that are almost anagrams of each other, this game was quite the
mismatch. The Cornhuskers jumped out
to an early lead and didn’t look back as they roll over the Red Wolves from
Arkansas
State.
Of course, that is what you get when you name yourself after a really
lame beer from the late 90s.
Missouri
27 -
Bowling Green
20
In another
game where the Big XII team started off sluggish and then roared back, the
Missouri Tigers actually trailed Bowling Green 13 – 6 at the half before finally
rattling off 21 points in the second half to take the win.
I tried to come up with some joke about “Bowling
Green.”
Oklahoma
64 -
Idaho St
0
This is the
kind of game that makes me hate nonconference.
Not only did Oklahoma beat up on a
team from I-AA (I refuse to call it the Football Championship Series Division),
they beat up on a I-AA team that was 1 – 11 last season.
This was only slightly less of a ridiculous matchup than in
UFC 54 when Kimbo Slice took on that girl from Little Miss
Sunshine. The Sooners scored more
points than their opponent had total yards (44 yards), but didn’t prove anything
about how well they bounced back after having their quarterback’s eyes knocked
straight. During the midweek, Stoops
plans to go have a limbo contest on “Shaq vs.” where the winner has to wear a
stupid visor.
ULaLa 17
- Kansas St
15
I don’t think
anyone has been this surprised by an ULaLa since Marty McFly finally retrieved
his sports almanac from Biff Tanner in Back to the Future II, only to find that
all but the cover had been replaced by a fictitious 1950s skin mag.
Yes, I realize I referenced this last week, but this is what the paid
ones in the industry refer to as a “call back”.
It’s supposed to be funny.
Texas Tech
55 - Rice
10
In a matchup
that proves the equation: Football Prowess = 1 / Admission Standards, the Red
Raiders pounded the Rice Owls in Lubbock.
Oh, c’mon. It’s been
FIVE YEARS, give me ONE
before you clog up my inbox. The
good news for the Tech offense is that Potts bounced back from a lackluster
first outing to throw 7 TDs and 456 yards with no interceptions.
Lucky for Tech, their offense will be hungry again in a couple of hours.
Houston
45 -
Oklahoma State
35
Definitely
the most intriguing game of the week.
I said this one had derailment potential, but I didn’t actually think it
would happen.
Houston
hang tough with the Oklahoma State Bearded Dennis Hoppers and go ahead for good
on a 4th and 7 play that was tipped by the defender before being
caught in the end zone. I don’t
think a group of young Cowboys have been this upset by a group of Cougars since
the lights came on at closing time down at the Dry Tumbleweed.
After the game, Cougar coach Kevin Sumlin actually said, “For us as a program,
this is a big win because it legitimizes our university.”
Somewhere, this led to a scrambling e-Chancellor from
University
of Phoenix to issue a
press release bragging about how they had won 6 straight championships on
dynasty mode in NCAA 2009.
My 98 Cents Worth:
As much as I like to complain about some of these non-conference games
between Herve Villechaize
and Goliath,
I still think
it is the best we can do. College
teams are not like pro teams in that their team turns over much more quickly and
looks substantially different from year to year.
I suppose, at least, unlike the NFL, in non-conference games you get to
see the starters play the whole time.
Well, unless he is an OU quarterback.
Sure it would be nice to give them a preseason game to work the kinks out like
the pros have, but there are two problems with this.
First, I absolutely abhor games that don’t count.
I cannot get excited one iota for a game that doesn’t matter.
Second, in a sport where the winner is determined by voting, there
ARE
NO games that don’t count. Even if you
scheduled a scrimmage where you didn’t keep score and you mixed up the players
between the teams, there is no doubt that sportswriters would find some way to
factor it into their rankings.
And so, I stick with the tried and true formula for preseason scheduling.
You get ONE creampuff and it needs to be week one, and it
needs to be Division I. No more
games against teams that have the name of a local body shop on their jerseys.
It doesn’t have to be a GOOD D-I team, but it has to be D-I.
Well, maybe there could be a waiver for teams that finished last in their
conference. And after all, this
could lead to more of those early upsets that make us all giggly inside.
Second, you
need a good regional matchup.
Intrastate rivalries between schools in different conferences fit well here.
Good for the region, good for the fans, and good to build history.
Unless that region is Iowa.
Third, a non
regional team that is ranked about the same level as you.
I know these games are scheduled way in advance, but I say at least this
game has to be scheduled after the end of the previous season.
Maybe there is a formula based on strength rankings where this game is
determined. Anything to make some
better matchups.
You don’t
need any more than 3 non conference games, especially as we add Conference
Championships, and hopefully move toward a playoff system of some kind.
That is the kind of hope and change I am looking for.
Couch Potato’s Guide:
Duke at
Kansas
11:00 AM -
Versus
Why not to
watch: Hey, this is a really great
matchup of legendary powerhouses.
Unfortunately, this time they are playing football.
Who will win:
The Fighting Manginos 35
- Duke
2 (they got fouled but missed the “and 1”).
Furman at
Missouri
1:00 PM -
FSN PPV
Why to watch:
The Tigers seek revenge on the guy that framed OJ.
Why not to
watch: You have to pay for it.
Who will win:
Missouri 42 boogers to
10.
Tulsa at
Oklahoma
2:30 PM -
FSN
Why to watch:
The battle of division one teams from
Oklahoma
that didn’t lose to Houston.
And to see how the Sooners do against a school that gives out
scholarships.
Who will win:
Sooners win, but too close for comfort.
28 – 14.
Nebraska at Virginia Tech
2:30
- ABC
Why to watch:
This is the kind of scheduling I appreciate.
If I am not passed out from slogging
through trying to mow a yard that is now a foot and a half tall from all of the
rain, I will definitely tune in for this one.
Who will win:Virgina Tech 31- Nebraska 22
Texas Tech at
Texas
7:00 PM -
ABC
Why to watch:
To reward the Big XII for moving a conference game up in the season to
give us something to care about. And
because it should be a pretty solid matchup.
Who will win:
I think the Longhorns get their revenge at home against a reloading
offense.
Texas 49- Texas Tech 35
Kansas
State at UCLA
9:15 PM
- FSN
Why not to
watch: Fortunately for Bill Snyder,
the potential recruits will already be passed out by this point.
Who will win:
UCLA 28 - 21
Other
games:
Wyoming at
Colorado
2:30 PM
Why not to
care: Because both states are
square. Isn’t rhyming fun?
Who will win:
Wyoming
31 - 6
Connecticut at Baylor
4:00 PM
Why not to
care: Just because both schools have
really good women’s basketball teams doesn’t make the football game any better.
Who will win:
Baylor looks stronger this year.
They win 37 – 14.
Utah
State at Texas A&M
6:00 PM
Why to care:
The Cult vs. Some Guys From Utah
Who will win:
Texas A&M
35 – Utah State 10
Iowa
State at Kent State
6:00 PM
Why not to
care: Too numerous to list.
Who will win:
Iowa
State
17 - 9
Rice at
Oklahoma
State 6:00 PM
Why to care;
Can another school from Houston
upset the Cowboys?
Who will win:
Rice isn’t Houston.
OSU 49 – Rice 17
Conclusion:
That’s all
for this week. It’s
12:15 am, so I will keep this short.
I’ll be heading to JerryWorld on Sunday to watch the Cowboys – Giants
matchup, so if you are going to be there, kick me an email.
Also, I would
like to throw some random shouts out to Scott Reagh, Larry Staley, Da Xin, Brent
Green, Jason Richardson, Randy Barras, and Darryl Muckleroy, NBC’s
new show “Community” and frosted sugar cookies.
I now have a
Facebook page, so if you are interested, become a fan of Psychoag and you will
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